Born in the wrong era? No. There is no wrong era.

so it's 3:21 now. and i have 17 more hours til book in.

i just cut my nails.
CUT mind you, not peel. i actually quite like to peel my toe nails.
i enjoy it quite a bit when i get a big nail nicely out.
that is why sometimes during meetings you will see my leg up and my hands fiddling at something...it's probably my toe nail.
i don't peel my finger nails though. i always trim them. but toe nails, sometimes i will cut, other times i will peel.
am quite glad that i've gotten rid of my nails from my hands.
now is time to sleep liao i think...

heh.
it's an emo night.
and i'm going to rant now.
feeling quite helpless over many things now. and disorientated i think.
just like what i thought it would be like. but not exactly like how i imgained it to be.
feeling lost, and tired.
i'm quite sian of army now i think.
amd then all these things are happening around the world. and what am i? who am i? what am i doing? i feel weak and pathetic.
things to do in and out of camp. limited time to manage in and out of camp. things that demand my attention. and i cannot prioritise. every thing seems important and urgent to me.
what do i do now?
how to carry on after this?
do i know myself? sometimes i also don't know what i want, what is important to me. "know" not as in head knowledge obviously. real convictions. things that i will believe to the death of me.
i am very sure that all my life i've figured that the simple life is the best. simple and stable and undisturbed. just leave me be as a hermit in my little hole and go away. don't bother me with all your worries.
let me live at my pace, let me live at my comfort. ignorance is bliss is what some people say. i don't know. but the escapist in me just wants to heck it all and just disappear.
i don't know how to proceed. i don't know what to do.
people usually ask for advice at this point in time. yet i don't know who to approach. feeling quite lonely also.
it's that feeling coming back again. the one that you feel all alone and hollow like a shell. the feeling sukcs. and i can do nothing.
everything is changing and i cant keep up. sian.
i go sleep, one place that i can run away to.