Born in the wrong era? No. There is no wrong era.

many things are beyond our control.
actually.
everything is beyond our control.
mind-blowing, yes.
but it's a fact.
God is in control of everything.
how we seem to be running our own lives independent of God when actually even our hearts are in His hands, i don't know.
i doubt anyone does.
still, when we sin, we have to pay the price.
when are confronted with moral choices, we have the responsibility to do what is right.
and whatever the situation may be, we have the privilege of prayer.
we have the comfort of prayer.
sometimes, it's not just a privilege, it may not even seem to be any form of comfort.
sometimes the only thing we CAN do is pray.
because we are helpless finite beings before a sovereign infinite God.

太弱太弱， 真的好久没踢足球了。。。
昨天， 我跟我的学校朋友踢足球。玩得很开心！我还进了一粒！
大部分我是防守，可是有几次我也有进攻。
阿。 太好玩了。
只是， 因为很久没有尽力了，所以现在我的身体很痛。
我的 sides 跟 thigh 跟 shin 跟 backside 全都酸酸的。
可是我会劲力的！
看我的厉害！

aiyah. din get to present today in the end. :(
and i came all prepared somemore! haha :x
went home after tfc today...was feeling the effects liao.
lie down on bed and read comics.
then went toilet and read comics.
then ate whopper upsize which the ball brought home.
felt so happy after that.
on mmusic and took a nap...
wake up a few hours later.
rain!! wheeee. shiok. so cooling(cold even)
dinner time.
haha...afternoon spent sleeping.
chi.
LOUSY LA. >.<
got study abit for tomorrow....heh.
i think i better go sleep.

just got a new phone.

it has 3 less buttons than my previous one.
which is a good thing.
it also has less functions than my previous one.
which is also a good thing.
its speaker also has less distortion than my previous one.
which is just swell.
it also takes up less space than my previous one and is lighter too.
all of which are good things.
it's got less megapixels though.
but i honestly couldn't care less for that.
(it's the photographer's skill that counts ma =P)
it's also worth less than my previous one. which means it's less likely to get stolen.
which is a very good thing.

for once, i have a phone that i am happy to own.

only thing is that it being lighter means it won't do much good to throw it at fleeing snatch thieves. hit their head also not pain. lousy deterrent.

ok. i really ought to start studying now...
uh. after i get a drink.

hehe.
i just digged a biggy piece out of me nose...^.^
ok. so i feel a bit psyched today. it's sinusoidal la. got highs and lows one.
now i'm a bit more sober and feeling kinda sleepy~~~
tomorrow paper at 1400!
ahhh. feel like eating now.
wish i could eat macdonald for breakfast.
(no. i am not cannibalistic. i meant macdonald's breakfast meals. i just felt like saying "macdonald" for fun instead)
hmmm...ok.
i want to work hard for my a'levels!
even if i die. i want to die trying.
today. erm. yesterday was wj's birthday!
according to hnin phyu, she's in a good mood.
heh. that's good!
hapy birfdey wanjun! hapy happy birthday!
ah.
today was maths. diedeadalised.
tomorrow is literature. i think i read the text later la~~~
now my body seems to gravitate towards the bed...

we live in a very noisy world.
i live in a very noisy world.
the world i live in is very noisy.
my world is very noisy.
when i'm out of that noisier part of the world, i'm usually at home.
at home i've got music playing quite often. sometimes my entire day is filled with music coming out of my speakers.
sometimes the music gets pretty loud and some people would even call it noise.
other times is pleasant, soothing music of course.
there are many nights when i would go to sleep with music playing.
there's so much sound that now i kinda just wanna have some quiet.
i'm feeling abit tired now.
oh yah. i took my chem paper today and it wasn't that great.
erm. not that it ever was great in the first place.
compared to physics i didn't fill up alot.
won't be surprised if i fail. but i could pass too.
gotta see how it goes la.
today's weather looks quite good.
if the roof is dry and cool maybe i'll just go up there and lie down and pretend to be thinking of something.

i've been in a considerably happier mood these past few days.
today is no exception.
is another happy day.
why!?
i am guessing that is because i've not gone to skool in 2 weeks!
weehee.
ok lah got go the week before but go is for good stuff. proper stuff. not silly waste time stuff.
and cos of the prelim exams, is even more weeks of no lessons! and no silly waste time stuffs that u get with regular timetables. sweet.
today was first proper paper. ok second proper paper. but paper jiu shi dui le.
had physics paper 3 today.
I COULD ALMOST FILL ALL THE BLANKS IN THE ENTIRE PAPER.
and i think i knew what i was writing. which means that i could well pass this paper.
paper 3 la at least.
yes yes i know. to the elite that's like "big deal man...i fill papers as naturally as u dig ur nose"
BUT STILL. it is a big deal so shaddup.
of course...being able to "almost fill" the paper really may not amount to much.
i've had good feeling for physics papers before. and i've failed those papers before too. so....in the end i may stil fail.
but heck it la. i'll worry about that later.
just now i ate long john also! yayay.
ate quite alot. this just adds to my happiness.
ahhhh
righto. tomorrow is chem paper 3.
hurhur. see how it goes la ah. if i sian or what tomorrow, there's always old chang kee and bubble tea to make me happier.
if not, then there's always good ol' lalaland. :)

ok. time to pretend to study..
ehhh. not pretend. time to try and study.
ah.
time to study.
cram.
crash course.
whatever.

language is fascinating.
when u see two foreigners conversing casually in their native language.
heck.
when u see anybody conversing in their native language.
heck.
when u see anybody conversing.
is always very cool. at least to me la.

sometimes is the allure of the mysterious foreign tongue.
sometimes is just the proficiency of others in their native tongue.
sometimes is just how two people can form a connection of thoughts by words.

isn't it cool. these words that i'm using are utilised to get an idea across.
on their own they mean little, but string them together intelligently...skillfully...and....voila! meaning! emotion! elegance!
not just written word. spoken word also. the whole concept of language is just awesome la. to learn a new language and to be able to get others to understand what you're saying is a real thrill. a joy.
like the last time in jepun at that glassware store in kyoto.
i remember mom asked me to ask the owner some questions about a particular piece.
waha! he understood what i said and i understood what he said! CONNECTION!

of course. there is that level that surpasses language.
when you know a person well enough such that you can tell what he's thinking about even without words.
or when your thoughts are so attuned to his such that you know what he'll say next in a conversation.
it's wonderful when two people can connect like that.

ok. i wanna learn more languages.
hopefully is real one la. maybe in army i got chance to get better at japanese...
that'll be cool!

ah. but for now. sleep.

:D
i very happy today!
romans trail was good this morning.
the game was just so turtley...but i had fun nonetheless.
mr lim was in my group(which comprised just him and me at first), then ms lee joined along with long. waha! we lost despite our apparent telepathic advantage!
erm
right. the lesson was good too. :X
fatty chan came late but still got good talking with him.
and i got to observe people too! weeheeheeheehee.

highlight of the morning!
eat yu tang! 咖粒 maggi mee! 加面加蛋！
i was rather high by that time and was yapping away. talked about dorcas's wedding and how extravagant it was and how cheapo mine will be and how all the guys at the table won't mind even if it's so.

my wedding!
appetiser: MAXWELL HUM JIN BENG
1st dish: JOO CHIAT BEEF BALL SOUP
2nd dish: UNCLE YU TANG!
3rd dish: BEDOK INTERCHANGE HOKKIEN MEE
4th dish: CHILLI CRAB
choice of dessert: BEDOK CAMP CHNG TNG! or AH BO LNG!
drinks during weddigs always standard one. coke or orange juice.
i dun wan. i'll ask the bedok interchange house of dessert stall to prepare drink!
i.e. SNG BUEH ZHUI or LIME JUICE WITH SNG BUEH. wahahaha.

lol. ya. that took up a portion of the conversation.
then we talked about how uncle "see face" one.
he see me he will give you tiao. :)
i considered being modest about it, but come on, who would i be kidding?
hehe. our food came and he said “小弟， 对不起，今天没有油条，卖完了！”
the guys all start laughing!
sorry ah. got sign membership is lidat one. long time customer de.

so after lunch(my bowl was empty when i was done btw) we all went separate ways.
i wanted to take bus home cos i din cycle. then can relak relak on bus.
but then....suddenly feel i need to go and tababom!
jialat. chiong to mrt staion!
"closed for cleaning." sian diao loh.
there was a blind man waiting outside the toilet too. helped him ask the station staff for assistance. looked like they could handle it. the staff was pleasant and helpful. made me even happier!
but still i got my own crisis at that point.
bo pian loh. had to tahan until simei.
so i read on the way...time flew past and i din even think of the toilet during the journey.
reach liao i faster chiong to eastpoint toilet.
jiuuuuuu TABABOM. target successfully bombed.

then time to head home.
phyu was there giving the ball tuition liao.
passed her some stuff and went to kunz after she left(which was quite soon).
erm. slept for most of the afternoon...(actually all)

dinner was fantastico!
i dunno who cooked, but it was FANTASTICO!
grilled chicken, like wednesday taht one.
shredded cabage(mom like)
cut apples (mom do)
and some sort of noodle pasta with some italian herbs and spices(names of which i am unsure of)and olive oil (which i never knew tasted so nice!)
wonderful.
just wonderful.
finished the last sng bueh after that,
and drank nice rice green tea to give me a happy aftertaste and complete the dinner experience.
AHHH. bliss~~~

the ball even played to zanarkand for me from memory while i drank my tea which was nice!
quote of the day:
"if only studying was as easy as playing the piano!" -the ball
i loled at that as he walked off.

only downside to today is....i lao sai!
sian. lao-ed a few times liao. urrgghhh.
took an immodium pill after i lao-ed twice. feel better now...but previously was terrible(i suspect it has to do with me emptying my bowl of yu tang at lunch. but oh well.)

heck. even that isn't a big deal.
my hair is cut and i think i look neater.

AND
AND AND
AND AND AND
ANDANDANDANDANDANDANDANDANDANDANDANDANDANDANDANDANDAND

my shichibukai has 长大了!
erm. one la. B
UT THAT'S A BIG THING.
all join in and sing LALALA with me!
LALALALALALALA!
the one that has been kunning all this while has finally awaken!
i realised when i came out of the bath.
its legs are out and its head is a reddish brown!
it's got its wings liao under that shellish thing but both the wings and the shellish thing is a light translucenty beige.
STILL!
我的孩子长大 LE！
wahahaha! i hereby name thee MIHAWK!

heh. u see? high. and i ought to be sleeping liao.
how to sleep lidat u tell me...

my right cheek got a mole.
big big one. very sexy de.
my ears also. got birth marks 18 years after my birth.
one shape like a heart and an arrow somemore.
what can i say?
these are the marks of the chosen one.
ah.
i'm going to take a bath now.
watch my destiny disappear with my dirt.

今天我看了一些人的 Friendster profile，看了后我觉得我很失败。 因为她们都有喜欢的人，而那个人不是我。。。为什么不是我！我有什么不好的？我人又帅，又聪明，又潇洒，风度翩翩。。。她们却偏偏喜欢别人！

幸好我还有很多 back-up。嘻嘻！

i am studying now.
studying chemistry.

i love chemistry.
but my favourite subject is 化文.

我是郑永恩。

今天我读了宝玲的博客。她很担心我读了我不应该读的东西，我也很担心她读了她不应该读的东西。今天我迟到去我的GP考试。已经是第二次了。如果我的父母亲知道，他们会杀死我。我还能说什么呢?不知道耶。全校都把我视为冠军。我觉得我好伟大。可是我也知道我不应该觉得我很伟大。今天的天气很好，我很喜欢。在我旁边是个绝世美女。她的名字叫做宝玲。她很害怕拿我的虫子。 但却也很可爱。

a detective's bigget clue?
inconsistency in criminals.
the hardest criminals to catch are the consistent ones. those who hide their tracks well such that you sense no anomalies in their behaviour. where their speech and their actions are consistent with each other, and consistent over a relatively long period of time.
it also helps alot when a detective has spies in the criminal's ranks. when you know how the criminals ususally work, hehe, woe is them who think you are ignorant of their methods.
of course, a criminal's biggest nightmare is a detective sensitive to such inconsistencies. and more so if that detective is on his tail and knows more than the criminal thinks he does.
hehe...
if you will, just call me...holmes.

BWAH!
the weekend went poof!
and i've not written anything!
(duh.BECAUSE it poofed what...silly boy)

friday i saw shutter.
sian.
SO SPOOKY!
the...that scene..and that one...and that one..and..WAH....images burned in my brain liao..arrrr.
that evening i borrowed shutter, the others and finding neverland.
titles decided in decreasing shock intensity, with finding neverland having none whatsoever.
saw with some of the tfc ppl. erm, in retrospect, i'm not sure if it was a wise decision...tried to salvage the situation a bit, but still, if is a mistake then is a mistake loh.
got its good and bad la like i'm glad i got to spend time with them, but also not sure about some of the ideas that could've been conveyed to them. dong says it's ok if they can handle it...and he says it's not ok for me cos i can't.
"they can, but no more horror show for YOU(me)!"
haha!
ya la ya la, i got vivid imagination la...scared to bathe, scared to sleep in the dark alone, all my fault la. only now, 3 days later i abit more stabilised, but then again, maybe it's just because it's not dark yet...
anyway, i'll think about it a bit more and resolve to do it better next time ba...

so i slept less and bathed less after shutter.
which left me rather zombified on sat.
area meeting i observed something which i hope isn't what i think it is..heh. i'm thinking too much...i hope. and munzzz is gonna be a full-fledged papa soon! God willing of course. weehee! so cool! more kiddies to play with!

after that i was zonked for study time. buey tahan liao...needed to kun a bit, which i did. worked on memory work when i was awake cos i figured i could forget about understanding concepts with the mental state i was in then. good rest tho. even a little bit of napping does a lot when you're tired.

next was rehearsal liao.
was more awake by then, but either way, good thing i also dun need to do anything. waha!
getting the terrorist to learn to handle the sound system so that can have more people to do, then i can go and do other things also..
not bad la on sat. he did more or less everything, i just stood by and guided him. sun also he handle. next few rehearsals just need to supervise him a bit longer then i think should be good to go liao. see how it goes.

had a bit of a scare after the rehearsal cos mia went missing! and then 24 hours before, i JUST saw shutter!
at first still could laugh about it la, but after a while i got a bit worried. my vivd imagination working up again.
not so much that she turned into a ghost and vanished(that is too kua zhang le), but was worried something might have happened to her loh, like fall down and unconscious or kena kidnapped or what.
just see the things that we did to try and find her...now look back is quite funny cos it was nothing in the end, which is a good thing.
but still, i can't help wondering...what if it wasn't so simple? what if something really happened? then what?
haiii..
no guarantee that things will always be so simple, so better learn to handle things sensitively if ever got such things again in future..

so after that went for a simple dinner at parkway mac.
not too hungry, and i wasn't sure why tho.
ate a bit only.
the dinner was a largely cold one. erm. i'm referring to the jokes that made up the bulk of it. and that's not surprising considering the people involved.
i just sat at my corner and ate my fillet-o-fish while they entertained themselves...

going back was good tho. got to interact with the lees and learnt about how they viewed certain things. pleasantly surprised by how forthcoming they were too :)
went home and experienced the lingering shutter effect for the rest of the night until i fell asleep.

sunday.
packed.
went church in the morning. by bus. arrived early.
waited for the terrorist to come and set things up for the morning rehearsal.
went toilet during the song before scripture reading.
came back and found that both mine and hnin phyu's rice bowl had been stolen. haha..
the terrorist was being a terror during class. glad that mr ong did something about it, cos otherwise i would have done it instead. and i think he did a better job than i would have done, so it's good.
didn't go bridging game yesterday. spent the time paying fines and thinking about radical stuff.

after that was off to dong's house before leaving for the wake.
looks like he's taking it ok. and he's done his own thinking, so that's good.
talked for a while before making a move.

reached home. heck the shutter liao. koed in no time.
heh. i think the effect's wearing off....
woohoo.
next: Alone!
kidding kidding.

corelle.
the brand of the plate i was holding.

one white ba zhang and one old chang kee curry puff.
the things that were on my plate.

the traffic light.
the place i was standing at as i ate from my plate.

"bye bye."
the words i said as i stood at the traffic light.

family's gone off to redang.

am alone now.