Born in the wrong era? No. There is no wrong era.

i was thinking this morning as i sat in my lecture theatre.
the lecturer was wasting my life away. she had us fill up blanks on an answer template for a test that the entire cohort recently took...and failed.
she expects the entire cohort to ace the re-test cos it's gonna resemble the template so much it's as good as reproducing the template with different numerical values.
what a joke.
so much for advancement in education.
most of the teachers can't teach for nuts, we're probably better off just being forced to read notes for half the time we spend in lessons.
some of the lessons are really a waste of my life.
for gp we give silly i'll-read-off-my-cut-and-paste-presentation-about-courtship presentations.
for lit we recap the things taught which really isn't necessary given the amount that we've covered so far.
and as for chem, our uninspiring teacher tells us to take down the correct answers for the questions we can't do, but we usually don't because we're too busy listening to the fan spin
sometimes i think it may be more productive for me to spend the time sleeping instead.
i doubt i'm the only guy who thinks this way. something needs to be done man, we're not progressing. it's not teach less, learn more; it's teaching increasingly more, not learning.
i wonder, can i run away to another country?
been toying with the idea for quite a while, thinking about how to carry it out, where to go, how to get money to fund it, how to get money to sustain it, where to stay, what to bring, how others will react at the discovery of my abrupt departure.
these are some of the rantings in my head. shows how imperfect i am i guess. look at all the unforgiveness in my speech, the discontent , the insubmissiveness. and thet conflict with my understanding from the word often. frustrating. infuriating.
my dark night of the soul.

as i listen to myself think, i begin to notice that there is not much faith in my words. i mean, what makes me think that living in the country as a farmer would be less complicating than life now? sure, life may be simpler, but there are definitely going to still be problems that i will be probaly be stuck with. such man-centredness, thinking that i can make myself happier by changing my environment. and what with the current path that i am travelling? how on earth do i know what's gonna happen in the future? and all this complaining.the unhappiness that i have with school, with society, my life at times...i suppose i really need to learn to have faith with regards especialy to how reality will unfold before my eyes.

Dr Norman Barnard spoke yesterday. he's hilarious, despite his age. sometimes he says things that are totally irrelevant, but they are funny anyhow. through the sermon i wonder whether that was an example of us holding old, experienced, ang mohs with higher regard than a local with similar content but different delivery, but that's someting to be talked at about another time. he helped to make things clearer as i was thinking recently. he reminded us(or me at the least) that my authority was the first commandment, folowed by the second and that the second would be evidence of the first. I.E. love the lord your god with all your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as you would yourself. if i put this into perspective, then i have far less chances to say that i have too little time and too many things to do. because the truth is, the too many things to do are actually things that I want to do for myself, and that would mean that i would have to neglect doing things for others. when actually, i should be concerning myself with doing things for the benfit of others, and making my wants and myself secondary. That's humility. that means that i often have to do what i don't want to.
which is how things were meant to be. meaning, that i need to go to school, even if i don't want to, to study even if i don't want to, to do well, even if i don't want to, for the sake of my parents. scrap the idea of becoming a farmer for now, because though i may probably enjoy such a life more than the kind of life i may lead if i continue on the current path, it would not be very considerate for my parents. it's quite selfish in fact. so for now that's what i'll keep in mind...

i always think about why i should go to school.
it's frustrating to go somewhere and sit in a lecture theatre and wonder why you're learning about something which you never intend on using in your future. i mean i appreciate learning new things like stuff about waves and redox reactions, but if i'm gonna be a farmer when i grow older or have some job that largely requires me to know my english, then i sometimes wonder what the point is to all of it. then i begin to wonder about why i want to be a farmer.

i enjoy writing. love the language. not really as good at it as i sometimes i wish i could be, but then, that's not the point. hah. an outlet to actually write. actually i don't know how someone can actually come across this. maybe nobody will, but then if nobody actually reads this, then i can just type all i want and use this as a means to put my thoughts on paper, or on screen for that matter, maybe it'll make my life more organized, or at least maybe my thoughts. maybe somebody will read this after i die, discover what a literary genius i am and make me famous, but then that has little value. i notice i use the same words over and over. like maybe, actually and but then. how amusing. the moon is very round tonight. i love round white moons, well it's always round and white, but i don't always get to see it. saw some shows. rekindled an interest in watching certain shows, and may get me around to actually doing it. i like making lists. this will not be the last, that's for sure. these are shows i hope to see sometime soon that come to mind easily. there are probably others, but they just don't come to mind at the moment
1. gladiator
2. saving private ryan
3. cast away
4. life is beautiful
5. a beautiful mind
6. rain man
7. back draft
8.a history of violence
9. cinderella man
10. singing in the rain
11. the godfather
12. seven samurai
13.big fish
hmm, ahh think i should go bathe now

this is the first entry in this web log. if you are the sort who is easily bored and have the shortest of attention spans please do not bother to read any entry. as this completely uninspiring intro shows, i am boring. at least i think i am. generally i look at others and they look at me and i wonder why they are so caught up with all those silly pursuits of theirs...and they look at me and wonder what on earth interests me. arrrr i am writing rubbish again. trying to sound cheem and ending up not. maybe it's some mechanism of mine to want to make myself seem as complicating as possible so that there will always be an air of mystery about me that i hope others will be fascinated by. oop, you've just witnessed it, random ramblings from me. the entries following this will probably be like this one. random. boring. maybe once in awhile something worth reading wil pop up. maybe not. wow, i sure started off with a bang.