Born in the wrong era? No. There is no wrong era.

i just showered and then i went about doing random stuff.
and then i started to sweat.
and i realised then....IT'S SO BLOODY HOT.
the worst feeling is when your butt begins to sweat.
wah.
GAO WEI MAX.
so.
took off my pants(was already topless by then) and hunted for the air con remote.
what a difference it made when i lost the pants.
and then i add the air con...
wah bliss.
now i'm not hot anymore.
now i'm hungry.
i'm always hungry.

look at what i write now and what i wrote in the past.
major difference ah.
and tehre is a clear reason for that change.
clear as day.
sometimes i wish(and i think many others wish also), that i were more like the me in the past.
but truth is, has anything really truly changed?
or has what was previously dormant now merely been surfaced?
hmmm

this friday got vertigo
haha,
quite excited.
hope i don't bail yea?
:) HOOHA

had my happiest dream last night.
totally felt real, wasn't a ridiculous dream, but a very believeable one.
the kind i wake up and then for a few seconds i don't realise that all that happened was just a dream.
but at the end of the day/(night) still had to wake up..
oh well

i still dream about her all the time.
i don't know whether it is increasingly so...
but i am very aware of it.
all this dreaming and emoness and detachment and regret and stuff only makes me think more and more of inception
can relate more and more to cobb
and the quotes in inception...
sometimes like very apt to describe how i feel

team ico collection
fifa 12
resistance 2
resistance 3
blood rayne
batman arkham city
uncharted 3
portal 2
dead space 2

happy flight.
mary and max.
crouching tiger hidden dragon.
mother.
never let me go.
13 assasins.
sword of a stranger.
127 hours.
kings speech.
flower drum song.
black swan.
kiten city.
rule no. 1.
the fighter.
notting hill.

so who is there for me?
who am i there for?
you can always be hanging out with someone, but when it comes to the crunch time, will you be there for the person?
you may always be there for others, but do they even realise it?
do they even care for it?
do they even realise it?
would you ever know it they even needed it?

it is all welled up inside me
feels like bursting
all i have now is distraction
distraction to make me forget for a while
other times, i have my mask
isn't it a great dichotomy of a life?
think about it, skool, church, tfc, cf, climbing, army, soccer, friends, family....
to others i put on a happy front
a confident front
an unaffected front
a matured front?
if i really wanted to, could i fool everyone?
i think i could
beyond, the outside, who knows the inside?
will anybody ever truly know what goes on in my heart?
will people ever know the darkness within?
and then i think, am i alone?
is it not the case for others as well?
how many people have their internal struggles that nobody will ever hear about?
i am together with all the lonely people on this planet.

i know why

flying kick to my face a la ufc please

i think i read bible la

tired
many things weighing down on me
i feel heavy and lethargic
today i really really didn't feel like doing anything
i just wanted to hang around
to me it feels like everybody is busy with their own thing and there is no interconnectedness or whatever or whatever.
there is no vibrancy of life or what lah
POOOOOI. pooi pooi pooi pooi.
i don't feel the working together towards a goal or a willingness or interest in each other.
it feels alienating
like i'm all alone
apart from the class on sunday there really isn't much interaction with anybody else sometimes. i look forward to seeing the tfc students more and more each week.
lame la
it makes me wonder loh if things are better elsewhere
but that's lame la. if nothing else i wan to keep up with the class on sunday.
if nothing else.
maybe i am too idealistic sometimes.
so as a result when things turn out otherwise i am more and more frustrated.
frustrated is the right word.
i am quite frustrated with various things ba
i am ranting
sometimes it feels like people are doing what they wan
and i don't get to do waht i wan
or whatever like i have to kio sai lidat
cos nobody else is willing to do and because i feel bad if i say no so i say yes to everything and as a result it just frustrates me when i see people doing things that i feel is unfair to others who sacrifice.
aiyah
i live a comfortable life la
i always slack la
i'm only interested in playing la
i really ought to grow up la.
grow up la.