Born in the wrong era? No. There is no wrong era.

favorite new toy of 2010 is now my glow in the dark squidgey ball!
aerobie ring is still more amazing yes, but the squidgey ball can go anywhere, is nice to touch and i can entertain myself with it even when i'm by myself. plus, it glows.

favorite shop is now popcorn pop!
haha i guess it was previously gallen sports?
what with all the aerobies and stuff.
but popcorn pop has got movie randoms!
w00t! movie posters!
i wan stuff from there.
haha. but my room no enough space... :(

fat
unfit
weak
pathetic
i
cannot
stand
myself
i
need
to
lose
some
weight
i
need
to
exercise
i
need
to
train
train
train
i
need
discipline
to
hang
pull
push
crunch
bridge
lift
run
.
sian.

yesterday climb, today swim, tomorrow night cyle, day after "climb", day after that futbol.

HAS FINALLY GONE PLATINUM!!!!!!!!!!!!
w0000000t!

the damned united is damn good says alan frank and he's damn right.
haha. my kind of show. british, football, comedy. well done. recommended to all with a developed sense of humour.
also happened to see let the right one in at hmv and bought that. don't think i'll watch it alone though. hah.
movies and games and comics and books.
my ticket out of the largely sad reality that is my life...
straight towards the sun

went to climb just now after a long period of not climbing.
as usual, this always shows me how weak i am.
i think i was stronger before army loh. haha.
cannot make it!!!!!!!!
need to train train train!
stretching and running and physical conditioning!!!!!!!!
hate this, i seriously need to exercise.
I WILL BECOME STRONG.
DO OR DIE DON'T ASK WHY.
but for now,
sleep.

everybody loves to sit on the sofa and the sofa loves to have people sit on it.
but there's always just that one person that the sofa has no space for and has to sit on the floor.
that's why it's good to have skinny bum bums

i think i have very little tolerance for people who are not willing to try.
maybe more so people that i think actually can but because they don't try they can't.
and i respect people who can't but try still.
and i respect people who think they cant but try and realise they can. it also always puts a smile on my face when i witness this.
it's not about results loh, it's about heart.

today i was aguero.
very sian. worst ever.
next time i'm gonna become saha.
but then i comfort myself knowing that if it had to be someone, i'd most rather it be me.
so i hope the rest enjoyed themselves.

all the theory lessons and programs and courses and tools and techniques and schemes and practices and examples in the world won't help you share the Gospel if your heart just ain't right.
but God can still use even a person whose heart is not right because He's bigger than all that.
and He does as he pleases.

people dun get it when i'm high sometimes?
i realise i've written a little bit about this before, but oh well.
i get high for a couple of reasons.
sometimes the circumstance just has an atmosphere that induces a hysteria in me. soccer games, live concerts, euphoric moments. so on and so forth. like clubbing? haha, not too sure about that. but i guess getting high and hysterical is kind of the point of such events?

then, as i've mentioned before, there are people that will induce me to highness(and the reverse is also true; there are people that will reduce me to sobriety) like tiang, teddy, chinks...and so on. hanging out with people like them makes me do stupid things, or makes me talk rubbish. like really fever freestylin' max combo beatlemania unending coherent nonsense. my brain lilke goes into overdrive ya know? especially when the mood is good, then can max combo. sometimes combo broken. haha.
i guess the thing about such people is that they enjoy the nonsense? so that makes me want to keep it going? or those people also are equally rubbishy so we can tag team ping pong freestyle and just go crazy together kind? something like that.

of course there are also the times when the situation calls for the highness. this is kind of yfc-trained..haha.
like when got event last time, then students come, so must be a happening entertaining host then maybe can lighten up the mood and make them more open to talk? so for those few hours must be more out-spoken more crazy more daring kindof..even if i'm not really in the mood, i guess the whole event setting just makes it easier to become like that? what with all the buzz and the life around..haha. leading in camps for example when you need to be high before the studs can be high? i mean it makes sense to think that if the leader isn't excited, how probable would it be then that the students would be excited? not very. so for events like this, for the sake of the program, i kinda summon some extra energy like sage mode so that maybe some of that excitement will rub off on others and they can have a good time too...

but all this is all fine and all.
i think the issue for some people is that sometimes i'm very high and sometimes i'm very quiet(emo they call it) and they dun get it. like i'm 2 different persons and it can all be within a span of a few hours. or minutes?
so then they ask what is really going on in my head? haha. funny, sometimes i don't know?

sometimes i become high when i am very sian.
kind of a self induced highness for the sake of rebellion actually? am i making sense? dunno man...
kind of like...things are not going too cool or something and i get fed up and sian or something and so in response to this, to "rebel" against it in a way, since to me the situation is all pointless and silly, i decide to just "forget it" and give up my reason and switch to the nonsense hysteria mode cos all around i feel i'm surrounded by unthinkingness. i think most of the time the nonsense thoughts do run through my mind...like in my head the nonsense doesn't really stop. which is why i smile or laugh to myself sometimes.. just that when i feel like people around me are not making sense and i cant be bothered to talk sense since it won't go in then i flip to the ridiculous side simply for the rebellious fun of it.
to entertain myself maybe? or to be silly so maybe people can see that what i'm doing is silly and that they don't realise it but actually what they are caught up with is silly too?

sometimes i'm just bored la and being high keeps me entertained and occupied.

hmmm, another thought just came into my mind. sometimes i'm high to mask my feelings? i feel one way, but i don't really care for others to know cos it doesn't really concern them, and maybe for that period i just want to escape that feeling and the thoughts surrounding it and all so i induce some highness so others cant be and wont be bothered with me?

honestly though, as in, i've said this before but people don't take me seriously. because i am seriously a joke...
BUT ANYWAY.
honestly, sometimes i really am seriously talking sense(and to me i think it makes the most sense) and people just don't get it cos they are just too narrow in their thinking. so i can start out talking sense but seeing how people don't get it i switch to complete nonsense and they just write it off as nonsense altogether when in the first place it's just cos they didn't get it from the beginning so i cant be bothered to waste my time and rather have more fun talking rubbish.
sometimes i litter my sense with nonsense. i mean what i say, and what i say is not rubbish, but i phrase it in the context of something silly and again people think it's rubbish. fine by me. sanity is not statistical my friends. haha.
sometimes through a string of ridiculousity, i pepper in some snippets of some serious things that i really believe but again, people tend to write me off wholesale as a rubbishbin. so what's a bohemian to do? haha.
i think there are times when i disagree with people for logical reasons(they are not making sense, though they think they do) and i decide to express this disagreement by talking rubbish to highlight the folly of their thoughts, hoping that they will see it. sometimes they do.

but alas. there are also times when i am totally sober and quiet and not rubbishy(actually i think in my brain i still am). i think maybe i just cant be bothered sometimes. being high uses up a lot of energy ya know? usually leaves me exhausted. which is also why i stop after a while...cos it's just too tiring. my body cant keep up with my brain. haha!

so am i two different persons?
siao. just means people don't know me well enough only la.
bleh!
wah, tired.

haha.
bridge chllaxed out with me yesterday! farnie.
joker...i know there's all this talk about me and bridge but really there's nothing going on.
things are cool between us you know?
well, our meeting the last time didn't turn out so good, but yesterday was a blast.
even managed to get to the semis!
and all this rumours about our private lives? nonsense.
thick as thieves we are.
we just have such a good understanding of each other.
very compatible i'd say...
looking forward to chillaxing with ol bridgey.
yesireebob!