Born in the wrong era? No. There is no wrong era.

it's that time of the night again.
4 am and feeling emo to the max.
it doesn't help that the house is empty and nobody is awake.
writers always write about that great sense of alienation. i feel it too, and i think so do many others. i feel like nobody really understands me, nobody really involved in my life. everybody has their own life to live and i'm just another character in that person's life. which is supposed to be the case?
if i die today, what will happen?
who will be sad? what would people wish they said before i died?

i'm very hungry now. barely ate anything for the entire day.

today i cleaned up the house. both my room and the ball's room. spick and span. quite happy with the current state of cleanliness.
before that i was at dakota in the morning. watched a korean movie on mysoju. the naked kitchen. found it similar to my wife got married. how come all the korean shows i watch all the same pattern one?
dun like the korean thinking about love. the idea that love grows and is not exclusive to a marriage relationship. very selfish and just makes me more emo only. makes me think about the past and thinking about the past makes me emo.

just now when i was bathing i was thinking if i'm kinda like the ghosts from the graveyard book. i don't really change. i think. like other people are so different now from when i first knew them. all start working all start becoming "adut" (which is lame to me la, it just means becoming boring.). but for me i like still the same, still lazy, still want to play only. everybody has progressed but i have been left behind. haiz. depressing.

i'm not close to my uni friends, sometimes feel they can be quite short-sighted or naive.
church peers all working. even dong is always busy now with studies or whatever. aiya everybody all busy la. busy making money.
then family? i dunno, maybe i isolate myself.

this emoness has been compounded by my bad string of games in pes. my computer-truly-"artificial"-intelligence soccer buddies cant play for nuts and it's very frustrating. makes me hurl expletives at the air whenever they make stupid mistakes and as a result we dun win or i have to play like a dog just to win.

whera are all my friends?
alien to people in real life.
alien to the computer even.
wish i had a buddy.
this is all very selfish i realise, but i dun care la. i feeling sian now.
sian to the max.

it irks me when people talk about leaving church easily or when people find they have little connection to the church and complain about it like it's the church's fault or they really cant be bothered about relationships in the church.
what's the point of a church if there are no relationships?
if christians were to be saved to be solo kias then there would be no need for God to make the church le. chi.
bad theology and it's not simply a matter of preference like "some things there is no right and wrong".

gah.