Born in the wrong era? No. There is no wrong era.

new discovery.

the result: i am affected.

not something i'm proud of, but what's done is done.

i identify three things.

1. my esteem has dropped

2. i cannot make sense of actions

3. i don't like to be wrong

i had 3 assumptions.
new information was input.
assumptions 1 and 2 immediately phail.
assumption 3, in the light of assumption 1 and 2's phailure, highly unlikely.
assumed to be phail as well.
therefore all 3 assumptions phail.
now i cannot make sense of what was done that would have made sense had the assumptions stood.
i come up with a new theory to rationalise what happened.
however, it bothers me that i had been wrong all along.

the sudden realisation that everything wasn't as i had expected,
this has thrown me off.

i get the sense of being decieved.
i guess i deceive so much that it comes as a hit to be deceived myself.
i have lost control over the information and the influence
it is the weakness and the powerlessness that bothers me
i deceive too much.

does that make it harder for others to connect?
does that make me less knowable?
do i scare other ppl?
is it just my own shell?

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

not everything is as it seems
and things are always more complicated than we think
we strive to arrive at the truth, but once there, will we recognise it?
i want to grasp something concrete,
but even the smallest of concrete particles slip through my hands. what is certain?
certainties disappear..?
the world is far beyond us.
vast, random, and powerful.
amidst the chaos, i strive for something real,
but even that eludes me.

whoa.
almost a month since i last wrote.